


Drunk

by amareee



Series: One Direction (Gay Fics) [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Cheating, Drugs, Fan - Freeform, Fanfiction, Fiction, M/M, Romance, Teen Fiction, Teen Romance, teen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 23:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11519961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amareee/pseuds/amareee
Summary: ❝i shouldn't be the one picking you up at 3 am in some dirty, run down bar.❞❝okay but let's be honest; the fact that i had six shots of straight whiskey and i still remembered your phone number? that has to be considered impressive.❞or the one where liam's a drunk and the only one who cares enough to pick up the phone is louis.©amareee





	1. chapter one. ☹

"this is uh, the third call i've made to you tonight. just because the voicemail keeps cutting me off. but, um, i miss you. a lot. why did you have to leave me? was what we had just a game to you? did we just—oh c'mon!" i whined as the long beep cut off my message, _again,_ hanging up the phone and redialing his number again.

all i could see was brown soft hair and bright blue eyes, his lovely voice floating around my head along with the foggy alcohol that had taken control of my body. i leaned my head against the booth i was seated in, about to press the green button when a shadow of a figure caught my attention. i smiled at the familiar face as i reached my hands out, only to have my hug rejected with a sigh and crossed arms.

"liam."

"my little baby! i missed you so much! it's funny, i just saw you about three minutes ago. i thought i was imagining things if i'm being honest." i cooed, going to squeeze his cheeks until he turned the other way.

"liam, listen—"

"come have a drink with me; did you get my messages?"

"liam!" i recoiled at his harsh tone, wondering why he was so frustrated. i thought he would love what i left him over voicemail. oh, right. he was with _harry_ now. the thought made my blood boil as i stood up and pushed past him, thanking the bartender josh for supplying my drinks for the night once again as i made my way towards the cool air outside.

"you can't walk home like that liam, let me give you a ride." i scoffed.

"last time you said that, i opened the door to see harry on the other side of it. not about to repeat _that_ mistake again." i grumbled, about to keep going until i felt him grip my wrist.

"harry isn't in the car. i made him stay home this time. c'mon, i'll take you home." i sighed as i allowed him to help me towards the car, clumsily climbing in and watching as he shut the car door behind me.

another night like this; and i already know that there's a lot more to go.

 


	2. chapter two. ☹

i stayed silent as louis drove me home, my head leaning against the cool glass as the alcohol slowly started to dissolve through my bloodstream. i watched the dark buildings and cars slowly pass us as louis slowed down in front of our— _my_ —apartment complex, a low sigh leaving his lips as he stared at the steering wheel.

"liam; you can't keep—"

"can't keep doing this to myself, can't keep living like this, can't continue to drink, gotta find somebody new, yadda yadda yadda. we always end up here, so do you _really think_  that i'm going to keep listening to you?" he stayed silent after that, taking the keys out of the ignition as he rubbed his face with his hands. 

"why. why do you continue to do this not only to yourself but to me?"

"because you _fucking left_  louis! it's not something i'm going to fucking take lightly!" i know i shouldn't have lost my cool, really. but when louis is so stubborn; stubborn to the point that he's in denial about what he did to my heart, my patience for him is rather thin.

he stayed silent, his eyes trained straight ahead as he fumbled with his keys. so many things i wanted to say to him in that moment; only seeing black and white. white being how badly i wanted to beg him to take me back, beg him to come home and leave harry. black being screaming in his face, tears threatening to spill as i poured out all the pain he caused.

but as he finally looked away from the road and straight at me with those icy blue eyes, i felt my heart stop like how it had been when we first met. i felt the same butterflies that had developed when he first approached me, and as soon as they came they flew away, moths taking their place as the hatred and the sorrow entered my heart at the memories of seeing green eyes staring into those same icy blue eyes. the eyes that belonged to somebody that used to be mine.

i couldn't confess my heart to him, so i did what i did every single time when he picked me up from the bar. i made sure i had my wallet, my keys, and my phone, and without glancing back towards him i opened up the car door and stepped out on to the asphalt.

"liam!" i stopped, widening the door a little as i tilted my head but kept my back towards him; letting him know that i was listening.

"...don't call me anymore." i snorted, finally turning around as i raised an eyebrow sending him a smirk as i leaned against the door frame. i watched as his eyebrows furrowed and he turned away from me, avoiding my knowing eyes.

"you and i both know that i'm not going to uphold to that. no matter what you keep coming back so really, who's the one that's trying so hard to resist?" he ignored my words; simply placing the keys into the ignition and turning over the engine. that meant that i was dismissed, and i obeyed. i shut the door and watched as he drove away, the red lights of the back of his car soon disappearing into the night.

 


	3. chapter three. ☹

my eyes wandered around the apartment as i placed my keys down on the counter, shuffling over to the bed and plopping down on the white comforter. i could barely even look around because of how painful the memories were; everything here had been louis' idea.

the _entire wall_ being a bookshelf, essentially turning the place into a personal library. the random clocks and cheap paintings littering both the floor and the shelves, making me sigh as i turned to bury my face in the pillow.

my mind was numb for a couple of hours, but i could feel the creeping sadness crawling back to me with open arms, waiting for me to fall back in to the trap that it had set for me. just as i was about to fall into it I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket, furrowing my brows and tugging it out.

i felt my mind drip with curiosity at the unknown number, picking it up and sighing as the familiar voice came through.

_i got a job for you._

"yeah, what? i told you, i'm not getting back into that shit. i'll sell weed here and there, but i'm not doing anymore molly or anything like that."

_did i say it was cocaine? did i say it was molly? it's fucking weed, you drunk. stop at my place in a couple of hours. i'll give you three since i know you're going to feel hungover in about an hour._

i hung up without reply and sighed, rubbing my hands together before standing up. i would get myself a proper job but, drinking until the early morning hours and then having to go to an actual shift still drunk or hungover? those two just didn't mix.

i pushed myself off the bed and shoved my shoes back on to my feet, knowing that if i was late to his house i would never hear the end of it. i started the short walk down a few blocks to get to his home, hands in my front pockets as i passed by people hurrying into their cars for work; _actual_ work that i just couldn't bring myself to do anymore.

sooner than my liking i was in front of his house, two security guards in t-shirts and jeans standing in front of the door with their bulky arms crossed. i walked in with ease since they've known me for about a year now, and they knew that i wouldn't be dumb enough to try and kill one of britian's heaviest suppliers in the drug cartell.

i made my way up the porch steps and opened the door to reveal the average apartment, a small staircase leading up to where i knew he would be. you'd think someone who owns over a million dollars would live somewhere nicer, but he said, and i quote, "the pigs are always looking at the rich people for the drugs, for the money. i like to think of it as hiding in plain site." how dumb he really was.

i knocked three times before entering, chestnut brown hair and matching eyes boring into my own as he sent me a wry smile and threw his hands up into the air.

"liam! how you doing, buddy? still upset over the loss of your whatever?"

"i'm not here for small talk lucas. i just want to get this over with, so tell me how much, and i'll go deliver it. 40, 60, right? as always?" he nodded in approval and reached into the many bags surrounding his "office", pulling out about 3 ounces of weed.

"it's for a regular. zayn? remember him?" i gave a slight nod, ripping the bag from his grasp as i turned to leave.

"i'll be back in a few; and don't send your men on me like you did last time. it's not my fault that the last customer was in an area that i didn't know. i'll have your money." i grimaced, leaving before he could call me back and waste more of my time.

+

"240, 260. there, €260 for my ounces; you wanna stay and chat for a bit? smoke some?" i looked over his tattooed arms and his now silver hair, his brows raised as he already began to break it up on his table and get it ready for smoking.

"i'm okay; i have to get this money back to lucas anyway." i stood, turning to leave until i bumped into another figure. he offered out a small apology before slinking over to zayn, sliding into his lap with ease and wrapping his arms around his tattooed neck. zayn grinned, his chin nestling into the blond locks of the pale boy as he offered him a smell of the weed.

even though it was illegal for them to be in possession of it, you still couldn't deny the happiness that radiated between them both. his lover nuzzling his neck with butterfly kisses, zayn's fingers kneading into his back as they both looked over the hypnotic plant.

"liam? you sure you don't want to stay for a bit, lad? get some things off your mind?" the blond boy silently handed me a joint, a welcoming smile on his face as he tilted his head. i bit my lip as i thought about it, wanting so badly to give in and just let my mind float back up to the clouds where it belonged.

 but as i thought about it, all i saw was louis' look of disapproval when he walked in on me doing the stuff, the way the gleam in his eyes had drained when he saw me stumble to hide it; even though it was too late. so i just shook my head and sighed, stuffing the money in my back pocket as i made my way over to the door.

"thanks but, i'm not into that anymore. enjoy."

 


	4. chapter four. ☹

_"i thought you quit that stuff!"_

_"i-i did! let me explain—"_

_"no! it doesn't matter! you know why? because i'm leaving you liam. i'm leaving you—"_

_"for harry."_

_the guilt in his eyes had told me that what i said had been the right answer._

+

"liam. god damn it liam, wake up!" i snorted as i jolted awake, empty glasses littering the table around me as i looked up and saw louis standing above me, hands on his hips and car keys dangling from his fingers as he walked over and sat down across from me in the booth.

i laughed, slapping my hand on the table as i stared into his frozen blue eyes. i remembered how they used to soften up just for me, the cold, frozen lakes turning into warm, calm oceans whenever he looked at me. well, when we were together, anyway. now instead of warming up for my chestnut eyes they warmed up for forest green, the known fact making my heart hurt as i looked away from him.

"wow, you're here again! do you know how much i love you? like, _really_ love you?" he rolled his eyes, grabbing on to my shoulder with a tight grip and dragging me towards the entrance of the bar.

"why don't you do your job properly josh, and stop feeding him drinks when he's passed the limit?" i heard louis snarl, josh's snide comment biting back just as fast.

"why don't you do _your_ job properly louis, and stop being a dick towards him and understand that he's killing himself for you." i furrowed my brows as i ripped my arm out of louis' stilled grip, mouth open in shock as i stumbled my over to the bar and pushed a couple of tipsy guys out of my way.

"that's not true."

"that was our secret! that was our secret..." i placed a finger to josh's lips in an attempt to silence him, only to have him push my hand away as i leaned my head against the counter.

"louis wasn't supposed to know that he was killing me! nobody was supposed to know. if anything _i'm_ the one that's killing me! i don't really have a purpose in life anymore, so." i left off at that, my drunken state allowing me to ramble off as louis stood off to the side in utter disbelief.

"don't feel bad, loubear! believe me, i wish i was dead too, so that's something we have in common." i grinned, watching as the frozen lakes started to slowly thaw. but instead of love being the cause it was pity, his hand reaching for my arm as he softly squeezed my arm; something he hasn't done in a long time.

"i...i don't want you dead. i just, i don't want you to still think there is a chance for us because there isn't. not anymore." i frowned, knowing how much of a lie that was as he led me towards the exit once more.

"thank you for telling me, josh." he didn't even glance our way as he waved goodbye, louis helping me into his car and then getting in after me to start it up. he slowly drove to my apartment, the atmosphere quiet yet tense as he pulled up to the building.

"alright, see you around _mate_." i hissed, going to unbuckle my belt when surprisingly, he was placing the car in park and turning off the ignition.

"what are you doing?" he stayed quiet, head down as he took my arm and linked it with his, leading me inside. we took the elevator up and he automatically took my keys, unlocking the door and then shoving me inside.

"i'm staying with you."

 


	5. chapter five. ☹

i furrowed my brows as i yawned, feeling the usual hangover pound in my head as i groaned. i sniffed and felt my eyes shoot open, smelling something burning as i shot out of bed. that was a big mistake, feeling the pounding in my head intensify as i grabbed the table beside the bed and sat back down.

my hand knocked against something and i looked to see a glass of water and two tablets of tylenol sitting next to it, the burning smell intensifying as i quickly swallowed down the medicine with the water. had i been so drunk that i tried to cook something last night?

i rounded the one wall that separated bedroom from the rest of the house and felt my heart stop as i saw louis dumping burnt eggs from the pan into the trash can, cursing every bad word in the book as he dropped the pan into the sink.

"i knew i should've gone to fuckin' mcdonald's." he mumbled to himself, turning around and jumping when he saw that i was standing there. why was he here? why wasn't he with harry? i scoffed and walked around him, opening the cabinet to find a box of fruity pebbles and then the fridge to fish out some milk.

"why are you here?" i decided to voice my thoughts, trying to ignore his invasive eyes that i could feel roaming over my bare back and chest. so what if i was't wearing a shirt? it's my house anyway.

"i didn't exactly feel comfortable about leaving you alone last night." i scoffed, stuffing the spoon into the bowl of cereal i'd made and handing it over to him. he hesitated, but took the bowl anyway, slowly eating the sugary cereal while i made myself another bowl.

"you feel comfortable leaving me any other night, so what makes this one different?"

"the fact that, i don't know, you feel you don't have any meaning in life?" i furrowed my brows as i tried to recollect my thoughts thinking about last night as i frowned and realized what i'd said last night.

"oh...look, i'm not going to off myself okay? so just finish your bowl of cereal and run on home, you don't have to be here just because your conscience is worried that i'm going to kill myself." louis stayed silent, making me turn around as he bit his lip and continued to stare at me. of course he didn't believe me.

"louis i'm not lottie! i'm not going to do anything stupid! besides, it's not like you care for me anymore anyway since—"

"who says i don't care anymore?" i could feel my frustration bubbling up in my chest as i put down my bowl of cereal.

"you! mr. don't call me any more, mr. you can't keep having me fight your battles, mr. you fucking cheated on me!" it was his turn to put the bowl down as he walked over to me, shoving my chest as he stood on his toes to look me in the eye.

"i left because you didn't make me feel safe! selling the drugs, buying them, taking them; i was waiting to get a call from the hospital or the police to tell me you had been murdered, or worse; _i'd_  be the one to find you dead!" we both looked up as pounding from the neighbors above interrupted our argument. i rolled my eyes as i looked down to see louis staring at me, blue eyes boring into brown as i raised an eyebrow.

"what?" he shook his head as he looked away, backing off as he grabbed his half finished bowl of cereal and putting it in the sink.

"nothing. could you just put a shirt on?" i looked down at my shirtless body and shrugged, okay with the fact that my sweats hung low on my hips as i looked back towards him. if i was a temptation i'd be a temptation; it was louis' decision to leave, not mine.

"nope. my house, so i don't have to wear a shirt." i shrugged, putting my bowl in the sink as well as i sighed. i always hated arguing with louis because i felt bad afterwards; but i have to admit, it was nice having him here just like how it used to be.

"i'm going to go lay down. just, lock the knob on your way out, i'll get the bolt later." i sighed, scratching my head and ruffling my hair as i walked past him once more.

"liam!" i turned around and felt my eyes widen as he did what i thought he'd never do to me again.

he kissed me.

 


	6. chapter six. ☹

my eyes were wide as i stared at the ceiling and then at louis, eyes closed and breath steady as he lie beside me in peaceful sleep.  his brown hair was ruffled from being pulled, cheeks still flushed and skin cooling down after what we had done. hell, i was still trying to regain my breath as i rubbed my hands over my face.

i can't believe that he and i had just slept together, guilt and sadness soon overwhelming the small feeling of euphoria that had only lasted for about five minutes. i sat up in bed and shook my head, feeling my heart beat quicken at the idea that popped into my mind. as quick as it came i smashed it to pieces, knowing that if i got my hopes up, i'd be even more crushed when it didn't come true.

there was no way in hell that louis and i would _ever_ get back together, even after this. if anything, this will drive us further apart. i slowly got out of bed as to not disturb louis, walking over to the kitchen for some water. as i sipped, i thought about our argument and how we'd both crossed a line with each other. i regretted bringing up lottie, knowing how much it hurt him when she ended her life instead of trying to stick it out.

my phone vibrating brought me out of my thoughts, making me lean over to see who it was.

_lucas: i've got a job for you. a little extra that you can keep for yourself too if you manage to get a little extra money out of this one._

i bit my lip as i looked over the text message, pondering over what i should do. damn it, i don't know why i allowed him to get inside my head like this. i placed down the cup in my hand and reached for my phone, opening the message and quickly typing out a response. just as i had hit send, louis ran out of my room in a panic, hair still messy as he shrugged on his jacket. he pointed at me, grabbing his keys and his wallet as he gestured from me to him several times.

"this? this can _never_  happen again. you tell harry and i kill you." i stayed silent, watching as he walked out the door and shut it behind him.

"i'm sure you told him the same thing when we were together." i whispered, the message i had sent weighing heavy in my mind as i left to go shower.

**liam: nah, i'm out. i'm done doing this man. gonna get a real job.**

 


	7. chapter seven. ☹

"as for people, how good do you think you are with people?" i felt my throat tighten at the thought, sweat lining my forehead as i played with the thread hanging off my suit jacket. i always hated in person interviews, and i could feel the interviewer give me a look of concern the longer i waited to give an answer.

"uh, i'm pretty good with people. a little awkward at first as you can see, but i can make good conversation." i beamed, watching as she nodded and looked through the rest of my paperwork. i hoped that my anxiety didn't hinder my job; i really need the money, and i wasn't going to resort back to my old ways in getting cash.

"well, we'll completely evaluate your papers, and you should hear from us in a few days." with a smile she held her hand out; i cringed to myself as my clammy hand met with hers, the only thing calming me down being her reassuring smile. i left the building after that, jacket held behind my shoulders with my hand as i walked down the street.

i hadn't gone to the bar in a couple of days (resulting in me not seeing louis in a couple of days you could imagine) and the feeling was really starting to get to me. the familiar burn that was always in my throat wasn't being satisfied, and i felt my lips twitch at the ache of wanting alcohol. i was trying to stop, because i knew that if i wanted to get an actual job, i couldn't show up to work hung over every day.

but i was also upset because i wasn't seeing louis all the time. i'll admit, i got drunk every night because i knew he was going to come to my rescue, knew that he was always going to take me home no matter what. but yet i felt almost glad that i hadn't seen louis. i didn't want what happened a couple of days ago happen again, not wanting to wreck a relationship that made him happy. because even though i didn't show it, his happiness is what mattered to me most. 

so i ignored the withdrawal symptoms and continued my way home, struggling to get the thoughts of last night out of my head. i'd helped louis cheat on harry, something that i vowed to never do to _anybody_. i know what it felt like to realize that you were being cheated on, to know that the person you held near and dear to your heart had decided to betray you in the worst way possible. the guilt weighed on my chest, making me want to sprint to the nearest bar just to forget.

but in order to forget i had to...

"ugh!" i let out a groan of frustration, ignoring the strange looks from people walking by as i ran a hand through my hair. was i ever going to get through this on my own? probably not. it all seemed hopeless until my phone vibrated, my brows furrowing as i tugged it out of my trouser pockets. my eyes widened at the name that flashed across my phone; i had to rub my eyes just to make sure i wasn't hallucinating.

_louis: SOS._

 


	8. chapter eight. ☹

the only places louis could be was either work or home, so i high-tailed it to his work (suit and all) and burst through the building. louis had always been a successful man, and i never reprimanded him for that.

until now.

the building was so god damn huge that i didn't know where his office was let alone what floor, and i got so frustrated that i ended up at the receptionist desk. suit jacket hanging loosely out of the side of my pants as i placed my hands on the desk.

"yeah hi, um, where is louis tomlinson's department?" the receptionist held up a finger as she started to type up his name in the system— _very slowly_  might i add—until finally she raised a brow and turned to me.

"mr. tomlinson is in a meeting with a family member. can your interview wait?"

"interview? n-no, i just need to know his floor, that's all."

"well i can't exactly—sir? sir please don't do that!" i climbed over the counter, standing directly behind her and looking over the monitor to try and find where it said the floor he was on.

"sir please calm down!"

"floor ten? jesus, lou." i shook my head and climbed back over the counter, apologizing to the useless lady as i ran towards the elevator. as expected i received plenty of confused or dirty looks, my look much more rugged than the clean cut people that were waiting for the elevator.

my shirt was untucked from running, shoes dirty from scuffing them on the pavement, hair tousled from the amount of times i'd ran my hands through it since the interview, and my jacket was hanging out of my pants like a rag that i had carelessly placed there after cleaning something.

"what kind of man shows up for an interview like _that_?"

"a desperate one." i rolled my eyes as the doors finally opened and showed me the tenth floor, my feet being the first to leave as i made my way around the office. i turned and felt all of my face drain of color when i saw louis laughing with his parents, jo and mark laughing with him as he told some type of joke.

this is why he needed me? shouldn't he be calling harry?

"liam!" i snapped my head up at the sound of mark's voice, a large smile on his face while jo smiled fondly with louis as i slowly made my way over. employee's stared as i nervously walked over to him, scratching the back of my neck out of nervous habit as he engulfed me in one of his famous bear hugs.

what the hell was going on?

i looked behind mark to see louis signaling me while Jo looked at the pictures— _old_ pictures—of us, a finger going across his neck as he quickly made "no" hand signals towards me. _play along_  he mouthed, stopping as soon as Johannah caught his attention and he grinned back to her.

"so glad to see the two of you! you know that you were always my favorite out of all the men louis has dated.

"dad!"

"what? i'm just telling the truth!" i gave an awkward laugh as i raised my brows at him, eyes wide as i signaled that we needed to talk, and i meant now.

"let me talk to my love really quick. dinner plans later, you know?" i couldn't help the small shiver on my back at the word love, and i had to suppress the small sigh that wanted to leave my mouth as he guided me out of his office and towards the restroom area.

he checked if we were alone, and once we were i let all hell break loose.

"what the fuck? i mean...what the _fuck_  louis?"

"i know i _know_  but you know how much my parents love you! if i told them that we'd ended things, they wouldn't have taken it well!"

"okay but louis we haven't even spoken to each other since we did _it_  and now we have to pretend that we never even broke up? what about harry? what about you? what about _me_?"

"what do you mean, 'what about me'? if anything you'll be benefiting from this, right? all you've wanted is me—"

"not in this way. not when it's forced." we stood in silence for a while, my head down as he thought over what he'd said.

"look, i'm sorry, okay? i just, i just need you to do this for me. just this once. i'll pay, you, i'll even—" i didn't even hear the rest of his reply when i noticed one of his co workers coming by, and on instinct i grabbed his waist and pulled him close, tipping his chin up as if i was about to go in for a kiss.

just as the man turned the corner he jumped in surprise, flustered as louis quickly looked between me and then him.

"oh! i'm sorry i didn't know, i'm sorry mr. tomlinson—"

"you're fine, tim. liam and i were just about done here, right love?" i nodded, keeping my arms around his waist as we walked back to his parents. apparently they thought it was the cutest thing what i was doing since his mother started to coo, mark giving off a proud smile as i lay my chin on his shoulder.

"sorry! had to make sure that our dinner plans were still a go!"

"well, why don't we join you tonight?" louis' smile was tight, and from the way he looked back at me, i knew that his answer was most certainly not going to be no.

fuck.


	9. chapter nine. ☹

i couldn't stop my fumbling with the collar of my shirt, smoothing my hair down every five seconds as i waited for louis to pick me up. i was beyond nervous for this dinner; more nervous than i was when i had first met his parents if i was being completely honest.

i still couldn't believe that he had never told his parents about our split; if anything, when we split up the first people i had ran to were my mother and father. i jumped at the ringing of the doorbell, sighing as i made sure i had my wallet and phone before walking towards the door and opening it.

there he stood, and i couldn't stop my breath from leaving me as i looked over his outfit. he was dressed in a suit much like me, but he was cleanly shaved, hair cleanly pushed back with a large smile on his face.

"ready to go?" i nodded, locking the bolt behind me as we both walked down the hallway towards the elevator. i didn't know how to feel about everything; i guess awkward? we were playing pretend, and what i hated more than anything was pretending to be something that i wasn't.

i may have been with louis before, i may have been his boyfriend almost a year ago; but that wasn't me anymore. i hated lying to his parents, knowing how much they adored me; yet they didn't know the truth. they didn't know that i was dealing drugs, doing drugs. they didn't know that louis had to go seek comfort in somebody else because i was too caught up in myself to notice what i was doing to them.

i still loved louis, loved him with all my heart, and i know that the reason why i was so uncomfortable about tonight was that his parents weren't pretending. i wasn't going to be pretending.

but louis was.

"liam? hello?" i looked to see louis was holding the door open for me, his eyebrow raised as he tilted his head.

"are you okay?"

"yeah. sorry."

"okay well, climb into the car then! we're going to be late." i rolled my eyes and did as was told, louis shutting the door behind me and quickly walking to the other side to get into the driver's seat. the ride was awkward, filled with radio music and the occasional sniff or grunt from me or louis. if we were this bad in the car, how were we supposed to be in front of his parents?

"hey uh, you still remember some french, right? from that time we went to paris?" i furrowed my brows, turning to louis as i nodded.

"uh, yeah? why? i thought we were going to pacific? the place off the coast?"

"yeah no, i chose la cote basque instead." my eyes widened, my pockets crying for me knowing just how expensive that place is.

"louis? why? that place is insane the menus _themselves_ are in french why would you do that?"

"because i love spoiling my parents and i want the best for them, okay? i'm sorry." i groaned and leaned my head against the chair. what a time to be alive.

+

"there they are! we didn't know which last name was placed under the reservation so we just waited for you guys to show! getting here early as always!" jo gushed, louis smiling as he offered them apologies while turning towards me.

"ah! again, my fault! i should have told you; they're under payne. so kind of him to make the reservations." i furrowed my brows, smiling towards his parents before looking back down to louis.

"i did! i did?"

"yes, love, you did! now let's go inside?" i nodded and told the host my last name, responding in french when he guided us towards the table.

"oh, louis! this is so magnificent but...it's too much! i don't know how you managed to afford this!" jo gushed, looking at the fancy decor around the restaurant and the menus that were written all in french.

"what does this say?" he leaned over towards me, cheeks flushed from embarrassment due to him not being able to understand anything in this restaurant.

"aw, look how cute you too are!"

"i almost forgot how well you two fit each other." i couldn't help but blush as his dad followed up with that last sentence, clearing my throat and looking over the menu once more before the waiter came and took our order. of course i had to order for everyone else, but it didn't bother me all that much.

i noticed that as we were talking louis was trying to keep his distance; reasonable, but not convincing to his parents that we were as happy as we were portraying. so i leaned towards him a little more, placing my arm around his waist and making him lean against my shoulder. he gasped in surprised but noticed how his parents visibly relaxed, going along with it as he gave them a small smile.

i felt so much more at ease with him in my arms, yet i knew that i couldn't get my hopes up. once his parents went home we would be safe to say that our relationship was at end, and he would be back in harry's arms in a heartbeat. that was just the reality of it all, and right now, i was trying my best to keep my head from soaring too high into the clouds.

"what about harry?" i whispered, louis' face visibly paling as he reached for his glass of wine and swallowed.

"he thinks i'm out at a business meeting."

"at this hour?"

"he isn't the brightest sometimes." he shot back through gritted teeth, quickly wiping the look on his face off when his parents brought their attention back on us once more.

"so liam, how fluent have you gotten in french since your visit in paris? surely you've kept yourself well kemp since you've just recently gotten back." what? what was she talking about?

"oh that's my fault babe! i told them that you were gone on a business deal with the company; they'd facetimed me and wanted to see you but, you were away." i wonder where harry was i thought, sending them a smile as i sipped on my water.

"well, i've kept up on it pretty well. let me see." i turned to louis, a large smirk on my face while his eyes read that i better not do whatever i was about to do.

well, i wasn't really one to listen to him.

"je ne cesserai jamais de t'aimer." immediately louis blushed like crazy at what i'd said, and although he wasn't as advanced in french as i was he still knew bits and phrases, clearing his throat as he faked a large smile.

"that's so sweet of you love."

"what did he say, what did he say?" jo exclaimed excitedly, clapping her hands while mark only chuckled at his wife. louis swallowed as he turned back towards me, speechless while i only offered him a small smile. just because i wanted to mess with him didn't mean that i was lying. if i could move on sooner or later, louis was always going to be in the back of my mind, and i wanted him to know that.

"je suis sérieux. jamais." from that i knew his expression changed. he looked more vulnerable, his usual confidence disarmed as he sputtered in front of me. it was the same look on his face as he had when i'd first told him i loved him, told him that he meant the world to me when we'd reached our six month date.

"i um, i'll tell you in a bit i just have to use the restroom." he stood up, stumbling over his chair as he excused himself and took off to the restroom. i only bit my lip as i turned back to his parents, smiling while jo sighed in admiration.

"that boy really loves you, liam. i hope you know that."

 _i wish he still loved me._ i thought, giving her a slight nod as i reached for my glass of water once more.

 


	10. chapter ten. ☹

"well we had fun tonight! so nice to see the two of you together!" louis and i were arm in arm as we watched his parents get into their car and drive away, my arm still around louis as his slowly dropped beside him and from around my waist.

"thank you liam, i know this is hard, but thank you." i shrugged and withdrew my hand as we both started walking towards the car, hands in my pockets as i walked louis to the driver's seat.

"oh! before i forget, my parents are leaving by the end of the week, so do you think you could keep this up just for a little longer?" a little longer? what kind of medication was he on? not only would that rip my heart in half, but what the hell was he going to explain to harry? that he had a meeting every day at different times?

i know the boy was daft but he wasn't _that_  much of an idiot.

"yeah? how's harry going to take it?" i scoffed, watching as louis shrugged his shoulders.

"i'll figure it out." i couldn't help the anger that bubbled inside my stomach; i always hated when louis acted nonchalant about everything. he acted as if we were on good terms now, as if it wasn't hard for me to hold him in my arms and act like we were still together when i _knew_  that he was going to go running back to harry. hell, i don't like the bloke all that much but if he found out about louis doing this? he would never forgive him.

"you'll figure it out? you'll just, _figure_  everything out because that's how easy it all is, innit?" i laughed, slowly losing my cool as louis furrowed his brows.

"what's wrong with you?"

"what's wrong with me? louis, what in the _fuck_  is wrong with you? you act like you don't care about me for months after our initial break up, then all of a sudden you're staying at my apartment; we _slept_  together, and you want to pretend that that didn't happen either!"

"now you've got me parading around to show off to your parents that 'hey! my life is stable! all is well here!' when really, it's not! i know you louis william tomlinson, believe me i do, and i know when you're on the hinges of losing your mind! i'm not a toy, and harry isn't a ditz that you can fool for the rest of your life! so either come to terms with yourself, or don't waste your time with me, or that curly headed idiot." i turned and left louis with his mouth gaping, walking down the street while he slammed his car door shut and started the ignition, speeding towards me and pulling his car over in front of me.

was he out of his mind?

"don't walk away from me after dropping a bomb like that!" louis shouted, face red as he put his finger to my chest.

"you were the one that couldn't quit the stuff, you were the one that chose money over mine _and_  your safety, and you were the one that did nothing to win me back!"

"win you back? louis, even before you found out and left, you were cheating on me with harry! how could i have won you back when i thought i had already lost you?" at this point i was in tears, shamefully so as louis took in my words. i shook my head and walked away, glad that he wasn't trying to stop me this time as i let the tears run freely.

i'm tired of being tugged around like this, and i wasn't going to let him do it to me anymore. i loved him, and i'm pretty sure that's how it was always going to be, but if he continued to choose being blind, instead of wanting to see?

i don't think i can allow myself to be around him anymore.

 


	11. chapter eleven. ☹

i stocked up the shelves inside the market with the cans of beans delivered today, trying to keep my mind off of what had happened between louis and i last week. he made up some other excuse as to why i couldn't be around while his parents were visiting, and i was glad he did so.

after my little rant he'd stop speaking to me, showing his true colors as he went back to harry as if nothing had even gone on for those couple of days. that was fine by me; let the twat think that everything was fine and that his boyfriend wasn't pretending to be with somebody else.

speaking of the devil.

as i placed the last can on the shelf i heard footsteps making their way down the tiled aisle, making me turn to see an  angry looking harry with his fists clenched and green eyes blazing. before i could even get a snarky comment out harry had decked me right in the face, making me land on my back as i groaned.

the kid may have been lanky but he packed a powerful punch; i could already feel a bruise forming as he immediately kicked me in the stomach.

"you son of a bitch; you couldn't handle louis breaking your heart so you had to break mine in return right?" he shouted, customers nearby frantically running around to find my manager. i hoped they found her soon; i wasn't going to hit him back so i would lose my job.

the customer is always right, right?

"hey! hey!" i heard cheryl shout, a few more footsteps following behind her voice as harry repeatedly kicked me in the stomach and the ribs before jake and levi had to pull him away.

"stay the fuck away from us! i mean it!" i spat out blood, laughing as i tried to get up. my arms shook, cheryl looking at me with a worried face as i looked at him.

"you're just mad because i fucked him better than you did." with that harry lunged for me again, cheryl demanded they take him outside while she helped me up, taking me to the back while telling customers that it was okay, and to continue with their shopping.

she sat me down on the office chair and handed me a pack of peas, looking over the bruises on my face while i sighed.

"are you okay? do you want me to press charges? maria already contacted the police."

"no, no. leave him be. i'm sorry that he caused such a scene at work, i swear it won't happen again." i winced, pressing the cold package harder against my face as she nodded.

"well, take a couple of days off to heal, including this one, and go to the doctors; he was kicking you pretty hard."

"will do; thanks cheryl."

"no problem sweetie. i'll see you in a few days." i stood up and handed her the package, holding my side as i limped to the front of the store and grabbed my car keys from my pocket.

as i was leaving i saw jake still holding on to harry and shoving him towards his car, telling him not to come back to that store. luckily harry didn't see me as i unlocked my car and climbed inside, shutting the door behind me and locking it. i leaned my head against the seat before leaning over and placing the keys into the ignition, starting it up and leaving the lot.

i couldn't believe that harry pulled a sneak attack on me; what kind of cowardly shit was that? either he found out after being an idiot or louis told him; whatever it was, i didn't even care. i just don't want to deal with it again, because if harry jumps me outside of work?

he was going to regret it big time.

the drive was short, and luckily i was home within ten minutes. as i turned off the engine and stepped out, i locked my car and looked towards the entrance of the apartment; and never in my life had i had a day as bad as this one.

louis stood there, wringing the keys in his hands over and over as he stuttered over his words. his eyes were wide as they settled on my bruising face and obvious limp in my leg.

"liam—"

"i don't want to hear it. go the fuck home, louis. your boyfriend jumped me at work and i'm not in the mood." i pushed past him, almost to the elevator until he softly tugged on my arm.

"that's the thing...he kicked me out after i told him what happened. between us, i mean." he nervously stated, making me raise my brows as i shook my head.

"what do you want me to do about that then."

"just give me a couple of days liam, please. just so i can look for some place to go." i ran a hand through my hair as i huffed, leaning against the elevator doors. no matter how hard i tried, and no matter what i did, louis was always going to fight his way back into my heart. so i pressed the elevator button and watched the doors open, louis raising an eyebrow as i stepped inside.

"are you coming or not?"

he grinned.

 


	12. chapter twelve. ☹

"there's another complex a few blocks from here; a little more expensive but not that bad. as long as you've still got your job you're fine." louis had been staying with me for the past couple of days, the two of us seated on the couch with boxes of louis' stuff surrounding the living room. as i looked around i couldn't ignore the fact that it looked just like how it was when we first bought the apartment, especially with louis' glasses resting on the bridge of his nose as he looked over his laptop.

"i'm gonna go lay down; my side is acting up again."

"do you want me to help?"

"no, i've got it." i hissed as i stood up and gripped my side, slowly making my way over to the bed. louis took me to the hospital after i had invited him inside to settle down, and harry had managed to fracture two of my ribs. fantastic, right?

i had some heavy bruising, and i was on medical leave for work; making living difficult. rent was due, and i hadn't received my paycheck yet. just the thought of it made me groan as i reached for my pain meds, only to completely miss them and knock over the nearby lamp and hear the glass crashing.

"shit..." i mumbled, hearing footsteps running over and a frazzled louis looking around.

"are you okay? what was that? did you fall? how are your ribs?" i was confused; i hadn't had louis fuss over me like this since i'd broken my leg during a shift at my old job. the thought made me smile as i cleared my throat, shaking my head as i sighed.

"i was trying to get my meds but i knocked over the lamp; there's glass so be careful." louis shook his head as he left the room, the sound of the tap on the sink turning on for a few seconds before it turned off. he walked back into the room with a glass of water and grabbed my pain meds, placing them into his hand and then handing them to me.

"don't move your head—be careful! don't move your upper body too much."

"louis stop fussing; i'm fine." i swallowed my pills and handed him back the water, watching as he placed the glass back and just sat there. it was awkward i'll admit; but i could tell that we were both thinking about the same thing. it was a repeat of when i broke my leg, yet louis had been much more playful back then.

_"louis, the doctor said that i can't move my leg—ah! or put pressure on it!" louis giggled as he adjusted his seated position on my lap, leaving pressure off of my right leg as he leaned down and kissed me again._

_"but i miss how we cuddle baby; and i'm horny." he ground down against my hips and i hissed, feeling the blood rush to my lower region as i gripped his hips._

_"you're the worst, you know?" he leaned down and captured my lips with his, rocking his hips as he played with the hem of my shirt._

_"let's take this off, yeah?"  
_

i felt my cheeks warming up at the memory and tried to look away from louis, watching as he looked back at me and smirked.

"you're um, you're thinking about that time you broke your leg from work. when we first moved in here, aren't you?" he bit his lip, making me blush even more as i sputtered.

"n-no, i'm just lost in thought that's all."

"then what's that?" louis gestured towards my lower region, and it's as if my face had been painted a bright cherry red. i grabbed a pillow and placed it over myself, covering my face as louis chuckled. i felt his weight move from the bed and i was assuming he stood; i didn't uncover my face until i heard the shuffling of clothes. i moved my hands to see louis was shirtless and was taking his sweats off, leaving him in boxers as he placed his glasses on the other nightstand.

"w-what are you doing?"

"one of your meds was vicodin; you're gonna be feeling drowsy soon." he climbed into bed and carefully positioned himself next to me, so that we were still touching but it wasn't putting any pressure on my ribs.

"what does that have to do with what you're doing right now—"

"just shut up and go to sleep." he closed his eyes and nestled his head into the crook of my neck, taking my hand and placing it over his shoulder. was i going to complain about this any time soon?

you should know the answer to that by now.

 


	13. chapter thirteen. ☹

i woke up to warm limbs wrapped around my abdomen, warm breaths breathing against my already sweaty skin as i breathed out. the windows were closed since it had gotten pretty chilly; louis had forgotten to keep one open last night.

just like he always used to do.

"louis. louis wake up." i tried my hardest to not move my ribs, knowing the medication had well worn off and if i made one wrong move i would feel an intense amount of pain. yet my physical pain was nothing short of my emotional pain.

why was he doing this to me? one second he was like he was before he left, the next he acted like i had some sort of disease. i already told him many times that i wasn't something to play with, and i already told myself that i wasn't going to allow it.

but, he still had such a tight grip on my heart that i wouldn't dare tell him no. did i want to get back together with him? yes. i desired it with everything in my being, wanting things to be the way that they were. but the reality was that it _wasn't_  going to be that way.

i had been neglectful. he was cheating. i chose the drugs. he chose harry.

both of us had been in the wrong, and i had to realize that even if louis had feelings for me or he didn't, we couldn't hop up and start right away as if we had never done anything wrong.

i looked down to his sleeping figure, feeling the tears prick my eyes as i sniffed. i hated going through this every time i saw his stupid blue eyes, or his feathery brown hair that was a little too perfect; i couldn't bring myself to hate him.

he stirred, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he yawned and finally opened his eyes. his icy blue eyes that immediately took the heat away, a small smile appearing on his face as blinked.

"hey."

"hi." i swallowed, clearing my throat as i looked over towards the closed window as the sunlight tried to peek in through my curtains.

"could you um, could you open that window please? it's really hot." louis nodded as he sat up and stretched, muscles in his back moving as he took the covers off and threw his legs over the side of the bed. he carefully walked around the bed in his briefs, reaching around the curtains and lifting up the glass of the window. within an instant the cold breeze of fall blew in, cooling the both of us down as i tried to sit up.

"are you hungry?" he asked, scratching the back of his head while i nodded. he left before i could even open my mouth, the sound of bowls clanking and a cereal box opening was enough to let me know that he wasn't planning on making a vast breakfast.

not uncommon, since louis was such a bad cook that he burned everything, even water.

i slowly used my arms to push myself up, hissing at the stinging i felt on my ribs. i adjusted the pillow as best as i could without hurting myself, leaning against it as louis walked in with a bowl of reese's puffs.

"i remember them being your favorite." he mumbled, placing it into my lap as i thanked him. it was silent except for the crunching of my cereal, louis staring at the wall as i sighed and placed the bowl on the bedside table.

"louis, we need to talk."

"i know, i've got a few apartments in mind and i'm actually thinking about seeing one today."

"no, that's not—"

"i'm gonna head out in about an hour or so, so i think i'm gonna go get dressed."

"louis come on."

"what?" he tried to smile, grabbing a towel from one of the shelves in the room as he headed towards the restroom.

"stop trying to avoid the conversation. you know how badly we need to talk about this."

"i'm not avoiding anything." he tried to shut the door, until i threw a pillow and it got caught between the crack of the door. lucky throw, i guess.

"yes you are! damn it louis william tomlinson, get your arse out here before i get up and carry you over."

"your ribs are fractured."

"where do i care?" to show i was serious i slowly started to get up, louis wincing as i hissed at the action but still managed to sit straight up. i started to move my legs and easily stood up, walking over to him and putting an arm around his shoulder.

"liam, stop." i ignored him and bent down, yelling out in pain as i hooked his legs into my other arm and picked him up, tears pricking my eyes as i quickly breathed in and out.

"liam put me down! this isn't funny, stop it!" i took one step.

"liam!" second step.

"okay! okay i'll talk!" with that i dropped him, groaning in pain as i leaned against the wall.

"christ, you're such a stubborn fuck."

"i really try." i smirked, gladly accepting his help as he took me to bed. he lay me down, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his hair. he hated confrontation that much i knew, and i patiently waited as he sucked in a breath and looked away.

"i'm waiting."

 


	14. chapter fourteen. ☹

"i'm just confused; liam, i really don't want to talk about this."

"that's not fair to me, because i should at least have a right to know why you're playing with my heart." louis furrowed his brows, crossing his arms and scoffing as he shook his head.

"playing with your heart? you broke mine a long time ago!"

"louis that is not the point! stop trying to make yourself into the victim! we're both at fault with how shitty our relationship turned out to be, and i'm sorry for what i put you through, but you need to wake the fuck up and realize that we're not in the past anymore! we're here, in this year instead of those two years ago, and right now, you're fucking with somebody who has no tolerance for anything anymore."

"louis, i've loved you ever since i first laid my eyes on you, and i _still_  love you. i don't know how many times i need to vocally express that for you to get it through your thick skull. you're stubborn, and you don't like to have an open mind once it's set, but i'm begging you louis, tell me what is going through your head before i lose my mind." i was crying now, and at this point i didn't care what that made me look like.

i hadn't fully expressed my emotions since i was a teenager, and even then, i was very vague and less open about it. even when we were together i always had louis guessing, always walking on eggshells because i never expressed to him how i felt about him going to work all the time, or how he was constantly on his phone and wouldn't turn his attention towards me.

that's why i'd turned to drugs.

our entire relationship was toxic, and that's because we never even once put in our full effort to fix it. i was ready to change, ready to put in everything that i had because i missed him, i love him. but what was breaking my heart was seeing that louis...didn't seem to want that. even now he stared at me, speechless about my blubbering and having his own eyes pool with tears as he ran his tongue over his bottom lip.

before i could say anything else he reached over and gently took me into his arms, my hands gripping his arms tightly as he ran his hands over my back. my sobs were endless it seemed, and i felt his own tears wetting my bare shoulder as he sniffed.

"i'm...i'm so sorry liam." those words made it even worse, my chest heaving as i hyperventilated.

"i never realized what i was doing to you; i should have _never_ asked you to pretend like that. because you weren't pretending; i don't know what i was thinking. liam please, _please_  stop holding it in like this." and so we sat there and we cried together, trying hard not to collapse in on ourselves as we held each other and cried.

+

i don't know how long we sat there and cried, but i do know that by the time we were finished, the sun had long gone down, and the moon had taken over the royal blue sky. i sniffed, still holding on to louis as he was fully on the bed now and nuzzling into my neck over and over again.

"liam?"

"hmm?" i hummed, running my fingers through his hair as i sniffed and rubbed at my red eyes.

"i don't want to move out." his voice was quiet, almost hesitant to say what he needed to say as he looked up at me through his lashes. i didn't want him to go either; and so i told him.

"then don't." i simply said back to him, watching as he completely turned his head back towards me to face what i had just said to him. we had a bunch of issues to deal with, don't get me wrong, but i wasn't exactly ready for him to leave. and it's not like he was necessarily new to the place or anything.

"okay." and with that we slowly drifted off to sleep, exhausted from crying as the autumn breeze helped lull us into our much needed slumber.

 


	15. chapter fifteen. ☹

**louis.**

"i'm back with liam, lottie. i know, it's crazy right? i cheated on him, and i left him when he needed me the most. but...things didn't feel right with harry. liam has been, and always would be my entire world; i had to go back. i love you, i'll see you next week." i placed the roses on the grass underneath her metal plate, pressing my fingers to my lips and then pressing them against the plate.

_charlotte elizabeth tomlinson_

_august 4, 1998 - september 23, 2015_

_a loving sister, daughter and friend._

i made my way from the grassy hill and wiped at my eyes, sniffing as liam waited for me by the car outside of the cemetery. he welcomed me with open arms, squeezing tight as he whispered a small apology in my ear while rubbing my back. it's been an entire year since she's committed suicide, and although i've long since accepted it, it still hurt to know that she was gone.

it's been a few months since liam and i have gotten together, and i couldn't be happier. our relationship was better than it could have ever been before, now that we knew it was no good to pretend that everything was okay. we saw harry from time to time; he avoided us. after all, he's got a new love now; ed sheeran, i believe?

either way, i can't help but think about everything liam and i have been through, both together and apart. i tore liam to shreds and i tried to do the same thing to harry, because of what i did to liam. there are times where i've thought about not being on this earth anymore, and liam tends to bring me out of those bad thoughts, claiming, "you're an angel on earth, lou; obviously he kicked you out for a reason."

i still struggle to believe his kind words, still struggle with my guilt, but i know that my weekly visits with lottie and liam's never ending support has given me the strength that i need to carry on. words can't express how grateful i am to have liam in my life, really i am.

all i have to do now is try and make him see that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the ending was brief; but i appreciate you guys reading it! much love! xx

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading x


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